...somehow...somewhere the pain got too much the standard effect became all to familiar the reality all too repetitive and the results all to similar and ...

I shake my head... I'm not talking about drink alone from life

I wondered and then I thought and then I wondered some more and then I challenged and then I doubted and then I collapsed and then I emerged again and then I challenged some more and then I insisted and then I got kinda serious and sort of sad.

to hang onto my past meant staying an alcoholic!

how to decide what to keep? what defines me why did I drink to death?

why did I decide to challenge my alcoholism?

did I overassert myself because I am so fearful?

am I just adapting?

I wish not to be the enemy of those who choose not to drink and yet I feel conniving anyway....

I was given the three choices years ago...jail, institutions or death.

I believe I am preparing myself for one of them and they are all the same and I am not sad about it. an event caused by me alone.

... I can consume alcohol and put aside at the moment I demand this of myself I do not want to be at the mercy of anything like before I must evolve I hate being contained I have faith

more than ever