last night i started reading this book and it completely blindsided me.the feelings that it brought up were so strong.i would have horrible memories that went with the stuff that i was reading.i really kind of freaked me out.today i keep on starting to read it and freak and then put it down again.but i am so curious about what it has to say but i hate what it does to me.it is way way to real for me.can i give an example
trigger



like it talks about the mother being your mentor,teacher etc....even with things such as grooming and so on.how they need to understand the level of development and patients and so on.i am reading about this and remembering the times i couldn't get my shoes on the right feet or my pants on not backward .instead of helping and encouraging me the mother would shove the stuff at me tell me to get dressed and if i got it wrong she would hit me real real hard and send me away to do it again and if i didn't get it right it was the same thing ,SMACK YOU STUPID TRY AGAIN,i remember the fear ,panic and historical crying.if i got it wrong again.i read this about the mentoring and it asked how i felt the mother was and OMG it was awful how i felt.like it was so so wrong,don't understand why.like OK the mother didn't have the skills to mentor but why the abuse why the hitting and names and humiliation.with out the abuse the inability to mentor well was bad enough.and this is just one example of one sentence read.

anyway.i want to read this book and i want to be able to understand so i think i want to talk about it with my T and my reactions and all but it seems wrong and not OK.i wouldn't even know how to approach it with her.i am afraid she would think that it is ridiculous that i want to read that book if it makes me feel so bad.but i am curious and want to understand. but i would feel so humiliated to ask her about it.and at the same time also think she will say she doesn't think it is a good idea because of my reaction.but i am curious.i have never talked to her at all about any of the abuse or anything that has happened to me.I'm scared she would not be interested or not want to hear it at all.and i also hate feeling like i do when i talk about it.i fear she couldn't help me with this and would just say then don;t talk about it move on.anyway i will probably keep it to myself again.

anyone else ever have this reaction to this book or read it etc...did your T think it was a good idea? how did you handle it