Please take care upon reading this post..I am frustrated and tired..and wantd to get a few things out of my head..maybe it will help to vent a little..or alot..

What being DID means to me that is us

1. Never quiet reflections…always vocal multiple perception, interpretation, and commentary
2. Lack of social connection with people, fearing that a shard of the broken mirror will appear and others will see what I try so hard to hide, and they will take me away to be a prisoner of the inner keepers, mute, blind, and unbearable pain
3. Inability to handle negative emotions without an internals taking control of them, either by making them disappear, or making me disappear, or use some other defense mechanism..like hallucinations, dissociation
4. Playing a role, a role we play well, to bad when we are not playing I am living in hell
5. Inability to look people in the eyes, unworthy, ashamed, frightened, small
6. Constant conflict with rational self and irrational selves
*asking my Therapist to show us his hands the others want to see if there is any
blood on them
*talking but not speaking, seeing but not looking
*monsters..monsters..in the dark they are there..they really are..
7. Lost, missing parts of my past as if my life’s story had been written with invisible
ink..there are pages which are blank and whole chapters that are empty, except for
a Polaroid image of an event..no beginning no end..just the image
8. Fear that one day someone will kill me and it will be me only not
9. Suffering with images, the kind that young minds should never had to see, and the old one refuses to except, the layering of parts, the nightmares, the daymares
10. Body memories, somatics assaults to the here and now from the then and there
the ability to live in the past, blank pages, empty chapters, grasping, clawing,
needing for the images to stop, but calmly looking thru the soul’s windows out
into a world which isn’t real, and maybe never will be…

I miss my mom..I want to go home, oh wait, you have no home, and you have no mom, your dad killed and then in the end you killed your dad, and no one cares about how much you hurt..but we understand and will always be there, you are a Throwaway..and alone..and never alone..trust only us, only we understand..only we understand..only we understand..echos..always echos..why do they tell me it will be alright when it doesn't feel alright..it never feels alright..sometimes it doesn't feel anything…

But I truly don’t think anyone else but another DID could really ever understand how it is to live our lives as a sane crazy person..and hear the silent screaming…