so good to hear from you, james.if you're questioning it means you know you still have choices. one to succumb to a life of addiction and the other a new way of life void of alcohol.
my experience was if i stayed in the past i would remain in the past-full of my pain and with no constructive outcome...jails, institutions and/or death. or "living" in a black void in my case. it's resolving this pain and old self-destructive behaviors that we can learn to live in the present.
our old ways are so familar to us even if they cause us pain. it's all we know. i had to break the cycle and evolve into a healthier minded me. it wasn't easy. i had open wounds and deep scars from my life experiences. i didn't want to feel the feelings those experiences evoked. so i always returned to the oblivion alcohol promised me. i wasn't living. i was just taking up space and breathing air as i called it. i was alive but dead. can you relate to this?
for me therapy in conjunction with a 12 step program of recovery aided me to reach to the other side, have hope, create positive change, live life to the fullest. if we are willing to take that "risk", tho it be quite painful at times we can evolve.
because you were not willing to settle for less than, imo. you had a moment of clarity.
i truely believe you want out of your alcoholic "living". i hear your pain. it doesn't have to remain. it takes courage to face our fears. but a rewarding life awaits you (you deserve it, friend) if only you will take that leap of faith.
thank you for having the couage to post your thoughts. to me that shows you still have that "mustard seed" of hope.