cloudchaser--i understand your questions. let me be clear from the start. i am a survivor of sexual abuse and i am a mental health therapist. those two things will color my response. yes, we hear over and over again about the cycle of abuse. but, like most cycles, it can be broken if you are diligent and concerned enough to do so. i would, however, suggest that you consider therapy. it's no fun, but it is so important. at the very least, i would suggest that you look into a support group for survivors or even alanon (though i think the former is a better choice). you would not necessarily have to talk about "everything." find a therapist skilled in emdr if you can. they are wonderful at helping you process abuse quickly and sometimes completely. another choice would be to seek out a therapist who specializes in short-term, solution focused therapy.

ok, say you don't think these are good ideas. that's your choice. then i would ask you to consider this. if you decide to have children, make a pact with your husband that if either of you even shows signs of acting out abuse, you will get thee to therapy immediately. there's no reason, if you both can handle it, to not allow yourselves the gift of a child or children. but there's even less reason for another child to experience abuse.

i don't know if any of this will be helpful, but it's what i have to offer.

good luck and i hope you let us know what you decide.

btw, you can pm me if you'd like to discuss anything personally.