Hello SharkOutOfWater.....I'm so sorry about all you're going through, and I hope that some kind of comfort comes your way as soon as possible. I also relate in ways to some of your story. I have not been able to afford health insurance for some time, and that sure does make trying to find relief from your depression a lot more difficult. And also, I'm so sorry that your doctor wasn't more supportive when you told him about your bad experiences....hearing things like that makes me really sad. I had a therapist a few years ago who could seem rather uncaring at times, during the most severe and longest episode of major depression I have ever endured. There were many times when I would leave a session feeling even worse about myself, but I couldn't look for someone else because at that time I did have insurance, and Blue Cross would not pay a cent if I switched to a new provider. And one other thing, I also have wished for a terminal illness so I would not have to make the choice....just wanted all the pain to stop, and to know that there was no chance of it returning. Well, anyway, thanks for your post, and sending warm thoughts your way....