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Originally Posted by Lizabelle
So, when I told her, she said to be careful, because it can ruin your life. Was she trying to tell me that it's better to repress it??
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Possibly. While a lot of the things she said sound pretty ignorant, she may actually have a point here. You have to be careful who knows. I wouldn't say it can
ruin your life, but it can definitely make things difficult.
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Also, I tried to say it gently, so I said something along the lines of "I think I might be bisexual." And you know what she told me? That "Everyone has a part of them that's bisexual. You just have to choose to act on it or not."
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I'm not saying this is your fault in any way...but when coming out, especially as bisexual, try not to use the words "I think." You're going to have enough trouble getting people to take you seriously. Sounding unsure reinforces their stereotypes.
As far as her saying "Everyone has a part of them that's bisexual. You just have to choose to act on it or not." No, not necessarily. Many straight people like someone of the same sex at some point in their lives, or experiment a little when they're young. Does that make them bisexual? No, not really. Yeah, you have a choice whether or not to act on your sexuality. Everyone does, really. Telling you that you have a choice whether or not to act on your bisexuality is the same thing as telling straight people they have a choice too. It's possible to not act on it...but repressing your sexuality is not something you want to do. Believe me, I've tried several times and it has just made me more depressed and very self-destructive.
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WTF?! I thought it was something you knew about yourself...
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It is. Don't let people's opinions change who you are. The main reason is because they can't, and it will just end up making you depressed and confused.
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It just feels like she doesn't believe me, or she thinks it's "a phase", or that I'm trying to get attention.
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Congratulations, you have just been introduced to what are probably the three biggest stereotypes or misconceptions bisexuals deal with regularly. It seems like the majority of people (at least people I know) believe all those things. And it's hard to tell who will think that way and who won't.
For example, my martial arts instructor is VERY accepting of gay/lesbian people, and from what I've noticed seems to be pretty accepting of transgender people too. Open-minded person right? During a recent conversation within a few friends she said that she believes men can't be bisexual...and that she believes women can, because "I went through that phase too." I'm so glad I haven't come out to her.
So you just have to be careful, and be ready for this kind of reaction whenever you decide to tell someone. What can really help is being one of the people disproving these stereotypes.
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And now, it's making me doubt myself. Am I really making this up? Is it actually a phase people go through?
Am I crazy for doubting myself? Or am I crazy for believing that I'm bisexual in the first place?
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Yes, it can be a phase. But that doesn't mean it should always be treated as one. People's hair color can change too...does that mean their hair color in the past wasn't real? No.
I think doubting and questioning yourself is something a lot of bisexual people deal with. I doubt myself every single day. I'm surrounded by people who don't think bisexuality exists, or is a phase, or is "just perverted"....of course I'm going to doubt myself. Sometimes I think maybe I'm really gay, maybe I'm really straight...I realized that wasn't questioning. That was
hoping. But I am bisexual. I can't change that and neither can anyone else. Don't let others' opinions change what you know.