Perna...very interesting points and something for me to ponder (and maybe the original poster as well). I never considered the offer of help to be condescending, but can totally see that this may be happening. I never need to help the female members of my family, because we're all pretty much the same way...I would trust them with any difficult situation and am sure they can all solve their own problems. If I do offer help, it's pretty vague, such as "Sounds like a tough situation, let me know if you need anything." They never do and we all go on our merry way. With respect to my boyfriend and some other social relationships, I actually fear that they sometimes just cannot take care of themselves....While my boyfriend is very handy mechanically, he's just not that great with his business (he hates the small details...but they are the kind of details that can really get you into trouble). My downstairs neighbor is an amazing artist, but she let's our landlord walk all over her.

Recently, though, I stopped intervening with the landlord (he fixes all of my issues right away, maybe because I work for a law firm) and she got so fed up with him that she wrote him a long letter and then called the city to inspect her property. Well, lo and behold if he didn't finally do right by her. I had stopped listening to her complain, stopped sticking my nose into her business, and she ended up fixing her own situation.

I'm really gonna have to learn to hold my tongue until the actual request for help arrives...maybe, it won't and I'll alleviate a lot of stress!