Rainbow, I just wanted to respond to these comments about your age because they come up often. You frequently say that you that you don't know if it's possible (or worthwhile) to try and change certain behaviors because you've had them your whole life and now you "don't have that long left." But you're only in your 60s... 62 I believe? You seem way too young to have that kind of an attitude about your age. (And yes, it is a cop out). I mean, if you don't believe you can change (or want to change) because you're " too old"-- then what would be the point of therapy? (unless of course, you're using therapy as a way NOT to change by only indulging your pattern). But, putting that possibility aside in order to say focused on the issue of age, I honestly find it shocking that you view yourself as "not having that much time left." I realize that your mom died rather young (though your dad didn't), but the average life expectancy for a woman in the US is currently 80.8 years. (Not sure if you're in the US or UK; doesn't really matter). If you were 75 or 80, I might understand your comments more. But in your early 60s?

My best point of reference is my dad-- he's 66-- and it's incredibly difficult for me to reconcile your point of view with his. (Not that my dad's point of view is "right"; he's just MY point of reference). My dad's attitude is that 60 is the "new 40" and, only in the last few years, has he decided to make some significant, positive changes in his life. He found out that his cholesterol was elevated and it "clicked" for him that if he WANTED to change, he could. So, after having NEVER exercised in his life (ok, except for grade school gym class), he started working out and he joined a health clinic to learn about healthier eating. He traded in his Mac & Cheese for chicken & veggies. He even stopped drinking Coke!!!!! (Since I was born, he's had a Coke Fridge, a Coke Storage Closet, and Coke memerobelia in his house AND in his office. As a child, he fed me Coke instead of milk). Now, Coke is banned from his house! And, on his 65th birthday, he called me to tell me that he did 65 push-ups. At 64, he could not do a single push-up. He's also made HUGE emotional changes. My whole life, my dad has been emotionally distant. As a child, when I wanted to talk to him, I had to call his secretary and have her hunt him down and put him on the phone. I've complained about this my whole life. I had gotten to the point where I'd written him off as "not being capable of change." Even my T told me to write him off!!!! And then, lo and behold, 2 years ago, my dad calls me out of the blue and says: "I've been doing some thinking and I'd like to talk to you more." Now, my dad actually calls ME. In fact, he called me today. He REMEMBERED that I was having another MRI and wanted to see how it went. He NEVER would have done that before. He's been a better dad in the last 2 years than he's ever been-- even though I'm now an adult and live across the country from him. But you know what? When the day comes that my dad ISN'T around anymore (maybe 20 or 30 years from now), I'm going to remember this NEW dad rather than the old dad who forgot to call. It means a lot to me that, at 60, he took stock of his life, and realized that what matters are his kids and his health-- and now he's DEMONSTRATING that through his actions. He's always SAID that me & my sister come first, not his job. But where was he every night? At work. When we went out to dinner or did an activity, what did he talk about? Work. When his office called what did he do? Run back to work. he THOUGHT this didn't affect us. He THOUGHT he was a great dad because he didn't drink, he didn't hit us, he paid for everything we needed, and my sister & I turned out pretty well. But we still resented him for being a work-a-holic and always choosing work over us. Because even when was there he wasn't really "there." My dad has always been obsessed with work in the same way an alcoholic is obsessed with booze, or you are obsessed with your T. And yes, my dad still goes to work every day, but it's no longer an addiction for him. Now, he takes the time to call us & hear about OUR day. He's achieved balance, after being out of balance for 60 years. I told him recently that I appreciated these changes he's made and his response was that he resisted them for sooo long and finally, he just stopped resisting them. And they were so much easier than he thought! And he's so much happier now, like everyone always told him he'd be (but he never believed them; he thought he could ONLY be happy when he was at work, winning a case). His birthday is this month and when I called to book my plane ticket, he said "you know, my 60s are the best decade of my life." And, as an outside observer, I'd have to agree. He seems "younger" now than he did in his 40s and 50s... because he's healthy and happy. When he THOUGHT work was making him happy, he actually looked pretty miserable!

Sorry if I've gone on too long of a tangent about my dad... my point was just to say that being in one's 60s does NOT mean that it's "too late" to change or that is "no point" in learning to change! IF you are interested in improving your marriage with your husband, IF you are interested in having even stronger relationships with your children, IF you are interested in living a healthier lifestyle (re: nutrition & exercise), IF you are interested in cultivating other hobbies, and IF you REALLY want to make your RL a life that is happier and more fulfilling (so you won't WANT to live in a T fantasy land)... YOU CAN. It's not too late. Nothing is stopping you... but you. You are a stronger person that you probably realize. YOU are in control! (Heck, if my dad can learn how to send a picture text, ANYTHING is possible!!!!)

Looking forward to hearing how your session went today! (It was today, right?)