I find that when my alter's are behind the scene influencing me that they are often more of a problem for me than when we are actually co-conscious. I don't know if that makes any sense. It 's like they are using a more subtle means of communication. And I'm not as aware and ready for things. To me it's like coming in through the back door when they influence.

I'd have a serious official conference with her and the rest of your alters. Set some boundaries. Ask the other's for their assistance. Let her know what you find acceptable, and what is not. Remember that you are the captain of the ship, not her. Remember to thank her for the service that she rendered in times of abuse, but remind her that those behaviors are not necessary with your partner now that you are safe. Find out what's got her bothered and validate her, comfort her, but let her know that harming you in any way is not tolerated.

Crystal