Do you have a treatment team besides your GP and pdoc? I have a dietician who weighs me once a week and doesn't tell me what I weigh. When I go to the dr, I get weighed blindly, so I have no clue how much I weigh and I am ok with that. If numbers freak you out, ask to not be told how much you weigh and get rid of the scale at home. I would get rid of that GP and get a new one who is more understanding of eating disorders. Anyone who tells an anorexic that they need to get another scale for home is crazy.

You mentioned that you are scared to gain weight, yet you are scared to lose more. This is very understandable. I was at that point when I found out how much I weigh. I now tell everyone who needs to weigh me, that I need to be weighed blind because I am anorexic. The first time or two is a bit awkward, but then once they understand it is easy.

If you are wanting to die, then you really need to seek professional help. There must be an underlying cause to why you want to die. Do you have any one reason that is keeping you from dying? For me it is my daughter. She is the one thing that keeps me going and is the one thing that got me to go into treatment. If you can find that one thing, it will help with your recovery if that is what you are wanting. Recovery only happens if you want it, not if someone else wants it for you. You have to want the help.

I hope this helps you a little bit.