Hi chelshope....welcome. Glad you're here. Sounds like you're going through so much, and it's good that you've decided to reach out. While it certainly sounds like you're quite possibly experiencing depression, nothing can take the place of consulting with caring professionals who know more about these things. If you have a primary doctor who you feel comfortable with then that's often a good place to start. If not, then you might try to get a referral through your county's Health and Human Services Department. Because you don't give any indication of your age in your post I don't know if you might be in school, but if by chance you are, almost every high school and college has counselors on staff, so that would also be a way to get started. Plus if you call the Suicide Prevention line, they might be able to provide you with some resources. Bottom line, though, from your words it seems clear that things have been pretty intense with you at times, and the first step should be to try and get the most accurate diagnosis possible. There are many options out there to treat depression and anxiety, but in order to access them you need to connect with professionals who can get you started on the road to feeling better. Warm wishes, and I hope you'll keep posting.....