Thank you Dubble and Billi (:

I will get checked out by professionals that is really the only way.
And just to add I am almost convinced I have BPD and have for a while and I really can't believe it or cope with it either (I didn't want you guys to think I was okay with this ya know)
And I'm sorry dubble that you tried to end your life :/ but you should be glad someone noticed! It means they care (: