Thank you Apteryx Yes, you are right on the money by saying that it's hard because I remember being open in the past. I recall one session in particular when we were doing EMDR. She was sitting close to me, and I just felt so much affection. It felt like I could react any way I wanted/needed to and it wouldn't matter to her. It was such an amazing feeling.

It hurts to think of leaving her (that's another issue entirely). I feel like she gets it, though. She understands even if she's never gone through the experience herself. I guess I wish she had gone through it herself. I told her that just because she's never dealt with weight issues in the past does not mean she hasn't felt the same grief and hatred over a different perceived problem with her body. She probably can relate even if it isn't the same issue.

I'm typing out a long journal entry of sorts on all my feelings surrounding this issue. How I believe I came to hate my appearance, what it feels like to fear her judgement, etc. I can post it here when I'm finished if you guys want to read it.