trigger for csa
Quote:
Originally Posted by rainbow8
She asked me where in my body I feel something and that was hard to answer because we were talking about the parts who want to be with her, I think. I said I felt ugly and exposed, and she wanted to know when I've felt that way before. I couldn't think of anything.
|
What an amazing session! What she said about how she doesn't do therapy on her friends - it's like, well that makes sense now! Like i've been looking in the wrong end of the telescope all this time. My T will be relieved...
I get the ugly and exposed feeling. I used to call it the naked feeling. it was a very specific sensation that I would experience at the oddest times - like in church as a child, but then as an adult, it could be when going to a wedding, or something work-related, or if friends were coming to swim - I guess always something stressful? At the same time, I would tell my T's about how one of my uncles would touch my top quite harshly immediately upon saying hello when we visited, and my mother refused to protect me when I asked her to. but I never connected her refusal with my naked feeling. once I processed my feelings about my mother a litgle further, the naked feeling hasn't returned - or I haven't been that stressed out? idk. anyway, my mother was obsessed with my breasts, or the flatness thereof
- I think that's a main reason for her rejection of me. she didn't make "those".
anyway, sounds like a calm, thoughtful, present, caring session. took me a while to get there, it's only been the last few years with this T. before that, it was hyper yelling angsty city. I know, because when I saw my prev t/pdoc a year ago for a consult, and I sat in my old chair, I was CALM, and it was like my old yakkety ghost kept trying to pop out, and he kept looking for her, but she wasn't there. anyway, I hope you feel good about this session. it sounds great. like a turning point. you did a lot of really hard work last week.