hey sky, thanks for your response :-)

i know that one can work on managing PTSD symptoms without talking through the trauma. I've done stuff on mindfulness meditation (learning to have better control over ruminations). work on distraction, self soothing, etc.

but i've never talked about it.

i guess there are different theories as to how to approach it. Linehan (for example) thinks that stabilisation work is important (learning how to distract from ruminations, self soothing etc). But she also thought that after stabilisation work there would be a benefit to working through the trauma by talking about it. That latter part hasn't been empirically validated (i don't think) - but she thought it was important.

I've done the stabilisation work. I guess I'm fairly stabilised. Fairly functional. I've stopped doing the mindfulness meditating (which I should really get back into...) and I'm not stabilised WITH a t (in terms of trust and communicating with them etc) but I guess I am relatively stabilised.

What I've found though... Is that the mindfulness and the distraction and the self soothing etc are more strategies for keeping up functioning in the face of the problem. I don't know whether talking through the problem would help or make things worse... I know one theory is that it temporarily makes things worse as the memories and ruminations become more frequent... But that the working through leads to an ultimate reduction / disappearance in the symptoms.

I don't know what to think...

I guess I think... That I've managed to keep up functioning... That I need to go slow to make sure I keep up functioning and don't deteriorate... But at present I feel like I'm fairly much stable mostly but sometimes in danger 'cause the ruminations / memories get to be too much... I want them to get better...

I'm not sure whether I just need to keep working the skills for the rest of my life...

Or whether I need to do some talking through...

I don't know.

It gets pretty bad sometimes... I don't know... I don't know what to do...

I think my t isn't really so secure with helping me... I have DID and she hasn't treated that before. I've talked to her a bit about the voices and stuff but... I don't know... And I guess I don't have so much faith in her... 'Cause she doesn't seem to have so much faith in herself... I don't know. Not such a good personality match I guess...

But then what would a good personality match be?

Maybe saying 'not a good personality match' is my way of resisting / avoiding therapy... I don't know.

Just a lot confused right now... And so very very very tired...