okay so i'm trying to clarify my thinking as i write...

ONE POSSIBILITY:

it is about improving functioning. what are my symptoms? ruminations / memories that prevent me from doing other things (getting to sleep, getting up, doing social activities etc). the way to do this is to learn to manage my symptoms better. distraction, self soothing, acting ones way into feeling different etc. just work the skills work the skills. over time i should learn to have more control over my attention (so i am better able to distract from ruminating) and that kind of thing. this JUST IS the way to get better...

ANOTHER POSSIBILITY:
the above process is important with respect to stabilisation but the above approach will only get one so far. progress will kind of plateau and the way forward is to talk about and process the trauma / ruminations etc. talking through them and re-processing them will help loosen their power over me. that will mean that my symptoms will reduce so that the coping strategies will become much much easier to implement.

WHERE I AM STUCK:
1) maybe i need to get better at practicing my skills (i'm not practicing them as effectively as i would be with more practice. more practice is the best way forward...
2) maybe i need to talk through some of the ruminations / memories. doing this will lead to an initial increase in symptoms (due to talking / thinking about them more) but will ultimately decrease their power so that it will be easier for me to implement my skills.

I guess one should always practice the skills as best as one can and that one always gets better with that over time... i'm just wondering whether... 2 is likely to help long term and if so whether 2 is likely to create great problems in the initial phases (so that it isn't worth it).

I guess the main problem with 2 is my relationship with my t... we don't understand each other well enough yet... i don't know that i am attached enough to her for her to be able to help me through that process as yet. i also don't know how much of a cognitive theorist she is... i find that cognitive restructuring / challenging faulty thinking ISN"T a helpful thing for t to be doing when i'm sharing how i FEEL and trauma stuff... i need her to reflect back more... let me do it at my own pace... if she tries i just feel invalidated and become defensive... i understand how the process is meant to go... but i need to have more faith that we have a similar view of it... i need to have more faith that she isn't going to invalidate my experience... she needs to have more faith that i will pick up on unhelpful ways of seeing things and will request help if i can't see another way to interpret...

i need to have faith she can help me rethink certain thoughts that i struggle with synthesising...

i don't know that she can...

i do come up with some doozy's sometimes...