For those of you who have been in support groups, approximately how many weeks or months did they last? I'm just trying to get a sense of the "average" duration of a support group.

Also, for those of you who have benefited from support groups, what have you found helpful about them? Anything specific the facilitators have done to foster that experience?

Also, what are things about support groups that you have found UNhelpful? Things the facilitators have done/not done? Dynamics among participants? Other factors?

As some of you may recall form my previous thread, I recently checked out a support group for the first time. It was not a good fit for me, so I decided to quit. However, in order to quit, I had to meet face-to-face with the facilitator. Something I've been working on in my own therapy is standing up for myself and being willing to stand my ground in confronting situations. I was actually rather proud of myself that I chose to take the risk of being honest with the facilitator about why I wanted to quit, rather than just making up an excuse to get myself out of there. I actually told her a few things she had done that made me uncomfortable, that put me on the spot, that were condescending, and (with respect to another participant) that I found to be enabling rather than genuine or helpful. To my surprise, she agreed with me and apologized. Because she was willing to own her mistakes and validate my experience, I decided to stay in the group and use it as more of a place to support others, rather than to receive support myself. Part of the reason I made this decision was also because I wanted the opportunity to provide feedback. (You can only fill out the feedback form at the end if you finish the group).

So, now it is time to fill out the feedback form. Since the facilitator seems like she is willing to receive constructive criticism (and is admittedly a trainee leading a support group for the very first time), I want to take this opportunity to provide feedback seriously. The facilitator definitely meant well and was plugged in, but she was very inexperienced, unable to really moderate the discussion, and came off as really baby-ing. I also think the intake process was flawed in that the participants in the group had very little in common with another and were at very different levels of functioning. The conversation was continually all over the place, and it felt frustrating for those of us who do not have basic functioning problems to continually be derailed and held back by members with significant behavioral problems. I've never been in a situation like that before, it caught me off-guard, and it's a big part of what made me want to quit the group. I guess I assumed that because it was a group for PhD students, that the others would be "like me" in that they were high-functioning, but dissatisfied with their programs, and just could use an extra supportive outlet to talk about that dissatisfaction. But that wasn't the case. It was clear from Day 1 that I was never going to get the time or level of support that I might like for myself, because there were bigger problems that demanded more attention. It feels to me that there should be one group for those without significant behavioral problems, and those with them. (But how do I say that without sounding like a total a-hole?)

I guess what I'm asking for is a better understanding of what a "good" support group might look like, so I can compare my experience against that. I'm wondering what my facilitator may have been able to do better to provide that kind of experience-- and how I can (politely) communicate that to her in a way that would come across as helpful, rather than as "complaining." I'm also wondering if I simply don't need a support group, or if I might benefit from a different kind of support group. I do not have a mental health diagnosis (so a diagnosis-based group would be out). I'm just a typical person who finds individual therapy to be beneficial for self-improvement and am interested in the idea of being in a conversational support group for others who want to talk about their daily lives (the challenges of relationships, work, family, etc.) and receive peer-support. Yes, I have friends to talk about these things with, however, I like the idea of a "safe" support group because "what's said in group, stays in group." I've found that my friends are well-meaning, but can't keep their mouths shut, so if i tell something to one person, the next day, everyone knows it. And, since most of my friends are other PhD students who work with me, there's sometimes a conflict of interest in sharing certain information. Finally, I just don't want to come across as a "complainer" to my friends; I'd like to have a place to go to have those deeper, more emotional conversations so I can get that "out" and then be able to go to a party with my friends without feeling weighted down. My individual T is great-- I couldn't be happier with her-- but I'd like to have that shared peer experience with others who are also in therapy and can relate to that experience. I'd love to find a group that is specifically geared towards those with lighter issues, but I have no idea how I would go about finding such a group.

Any feedback would be much appreciated!