I have no idea why I did it. I have been thinking about cutting for a while now, but I never thought I'd actually do it. And now I did it. And it's done. I have a red line across my wrist. And it's ugly. And it feels weird. It's like I crossed some kind of line and I can never go back. I told my mom about it, so at least I didn't keep it a secret. Now I have to tell my T also. I'm really scared. Maybe he'll dump me. Maybe I'm too hard to work with. Maybe I just keep messing myself up. Maybe I don't really want to get better.
All the ifs in the world, and nothing concrete in my head. Everything is spinning, way too fast. I keep getting worse and more out of control. I set some goals for myself, positive ones, so at least I have something. I hate myself, and I don't know what to think about myself anymore. I really didn't want to go this far.

luv,
lbdrox