((((Lola)))) I feel like I'm at odds with myself. T1 I felt very attached to and loved/love her. I moved on because I needed a T who specialized in trauma. It was hard leaving her but I couldn't get anything else from her.

T2 I've been seeing for about 4 months and the first few times I met her I felt like I had my head screwed on tight and presented myself as a normal person. Now it's a whole other ball game. As time has passed and we have done some work I have these feelings of attachment that are showing up again and I'm hating it. I feel like a wreck emotionally and I'm afraid of T2 for one big reason:

Getting attached and having to say goodbye/getting hurt.

As I feel these emotions 'take over' I try to hide them even more from her and in the process I do stupid things like send an email that's negative in tone and tomorrow I will be telling her I'm angry at her along with apologizing for not being honest about what/how I was feeling in my last appointment. I feel so much anger and hurt right now and I wish it would go away. Sorry for the long post but just so you know I'm here.