I've had two nurses, two different regular doctors check me out, and one gyno specialist. I've had a child through vaginal birth (and although I'm still relatively small it's able to expand quite nicely), I've tried different lubes (so far the thick jelly kind works the best), dilators helped in the very beginning when part of the pain was from insertion just due to being small and a virgin. Condoms don't seem to make a difference (other than lengthening the time it takes my hubby to cum thus more pain). Therapy has taught me to relax the muscles down there, but that and readiness seem to make no difference. The gyno specialist I saw doesn't believe in resorting to botox or other extreme methods for pain relief. I thought about asking for topical pain reliever but that till doen't solve the problem of the pain afterwards. Normally I try to take a pain reliever before sex or I have some sleeping pills that relax and numb me so I won't feel it, but that tends to just mean he can be a little rougher in the moment. It still hurts for two or three days after the fact and I almost always need m=something to help me sleep after sex because it hurts so much. I can last about ten minutes of active sex, but after that it gets so bad I want to cry. My husband is very patient and understanding, but it's hard because I don't want him to feel guilty and see how much pain I'm really in (he does know, but I've only let him see me cry a few time afterwards). I've seen a few shows on tv where women have had the same problem and some of them have resorted to surgery, but non have had positive outcomes. Supposedly, this can happen once, or last for months or years and then just randomly go away, or never go away. I've accepted this has been the hand I'm dealt, but that doesn't make it suck any less or make me feel less broken. The pain is usually like really bad rub burn and occassionally sharp. The specialist managed to locate where it hurt the most and ran some tests (I did end up having bv at the time but antibiotics cleared that up and it didn't help). Even looking at and feeling the area she could see no reason why it would be more painful, no tightness, and it's not even in an area that's tight, like the opening, where there is a reason for it to hurt. It's a major difference between that pain and the pain I have if I'm not ready or don't have enough lube. I just feel like I've run out of reasonable options.