So I'm not one to really let people get too involved deeply with me on a personal and emotional level. Some times when I'm surrounded by high emotional levels that are negative like angry or a sad situation I become very uncomfortable.

But I can't remember the last time I was really happy for a long period of time. I still get happy when I'm with my friends, but it's different now. It's somehow less. And a lot of times when I am happy in the back of my head I'm wondering how long it'll last.

I get really small tidbits of depression that range from mild to rather heavy but they don't last long. And once they have happen when I try to recall how I was feeling in that moment all I get is this feeling of foreign-ness or alienation.

I don't remember the last time I was 100% genuinely happy but I'm use to it now. Everyone of my friends knows I can be very sarcastic, that's just how I am. But my best friend says I can be an angry person at times and I'm quick to feel emotions like anger or bitterness.

And she's kind of right, I wrote an entry in a blog about 3 or 4 months back and these were the feelings I said I was able to feel.

• anger/loathing
  false happiness
  irritation
  frustration
  depression
  hopelessness
  loneliness
  confusion
  
  

Why can't I seem to feel some more positive emotions?
And despite all this, not once do I ever cry. I find it really hard to do.
The only time I find myself crying is over something fictional.