I trust my T and I am vulnerable with him, often. But I don't feel I rely on him over much. I too have a strong tendency toward independence. Maybe it gets in the way a little, but it hasn't stopped me from trusting and being vulnerable. T and I were working on the impending death of my father for a while. I was doing a lot of grieving and soul searching in my sessions. Then my father died. At my next session, I told my T that my father had died a few days ago. He was a little surprised I hadn't called him. I hadn't felt like I needed to. We had been doing such good work in session that I felt prepared for his death, and my family and I drew closer and they were the ones I turned to, not my T. So I think I did well in this instance, and actually a T should be proud if their client handles something well and doesn't have to call.

In another situation, I was in a horrible car accident, in which my car was totaled. I called T from the scene of the accident. I was in shock, I think. I got T's voice mail and left what was probably an incomprehensible message. He called back the next day and I apologized for having called him. I said I didn't know what I was thinking to call him or what he could have done. He said rather firmly, "You called me because you wanted my support." Something about that has stuck with me, like it is OK to call or rely on my T when I really need to, and he expects me to do that. It is not a sign of over-reliance to reach out for support.