Darrel, I really like your explanation of "how men think." This paragraph, I think sums it up: In the early stages of "training" (that was a cute remark ozzie a man does not look beyond this personal accomplishment and might think he has taken care of his need and anyone else who has needs is responsible to see they are satisfied for themselves as he has done. His "trophy" (admiration from others) is locked away in the cabinet and now it only needs to be dusted on a regular basis. It's what I think is a basic difference between men and women. Men are satisfied with an "I love you" but women need to keep getting reinforced in detail. It gets frustrating for both parties.

Nariel, I used to be very dependent on my husband for my mood and my self-esteem until we separated. Then I had no one to depend on but myself. My therapist had also told me that I needed to "disengage" myself from his moods and perspectives but I refused to understand it. My whole word depended on what he thought of me.

Through the seven year separation, I learned to depend on myself, my moods, my perspectives and my own self-esteem. I told myself that it no longer mattered who thought what of me. The important thing was how I felt and thought of myself.

We're back together now and I don't let his down moods bring me down. If he disagrees with what I'm doing, it's okay if I know it is the right thing and if it makes me happy, as long as I'm not hurting him in the process. If he decides he wants to go out and have a beer at the topless bar and shoot some pool, well... ok. I, myself, wouldn't be caught in a place like that, but I don't have to, do I? LOL So he looks at bare women's breats! So what! He can log on to the internet and see worse! It is very seldom that I admire another man for any reason, but there has been the rare exception. I feast my eyes but I'm at my husband's beck and call should he want or need some "intimacy." Those girls aren't and neither are the men I might take a second look at.

All of this in a nutshell? "Be enough unto yourself." Oh, yes! And keep in mind that men are wired different from women.

PS I envy you your work. Creativity is a great source of self-satisfaction and a great outlet, too. Stand back and take a good look at what you "create." Then smile inside and out and say "I done good!" One of my husband's favorite sayings is "Damn! I'm good!!!"

<font color=blue>"Our doubts are traitors and make us lose the good we oft might win by fearing to attempt" --Shakespeare</font color=blue>