I really need some help
My meds aren't working effectively enough. I am in deep depression. Feeling suicidal. I look at my Boyf with hatred but I can't leave. He threatens to kill me and burn my house down etc. I have two children (not with him). I'm scared I might go for him but if I do I will have to kill him before he kills me. I am on tenter hooks. He's abusive, manipulative, and controlling. I live in a small town and he has people all over that can take care of business for him. I'm scared. I just want to kill myself. The police have him on an idap prog but he lies and says things are good just to get through the programme. I have a case worker with the police. I've told them how I feel but they can't do anything until he physically hurts me. He's on probation tho so he won't hurt me til he's off that. I want to run away and I would. I'd leave town but I can't leave my kids. Me and their father have shared custody. I don't know what to do. It's either kill him or kill myself. I'm not a murderer so it's likely il do myself. I've been thinking of what to put in a note to my family and of ways of doing it quickly and pain free. I can't see a Way out. I need help before its too late