I use what I see/think is true, logic, and opposites to help myself when I can. If I felt the way you do, I would look hard at my relationship with this therapist and see how I felt about T. If I felt T and I had a good relationship, I would figure I was not just her "ultimate counter-transference challenge". If I could not tell and it still bothered me, I would decide that working with this T was my challenge.

I took a course for beginners when I was an advanced student and asked the professor if I could modify his "rules" so it would be more interesting for me and he answered, "no". So, I set my challenge to learn from within his rules.

If T (or anyone) were to say to me, "You are fat and ugly and I find you disgusting to work with" I would look at it for truth and any helpfulness it could give me first. I am fat but I do not think I am ugly and the disgusting part, the other person's opinion of me and how they feel working with me would tell me that I don't want to work with this person? That they paired my weight with being disgusting to work with in therapy says they are not the right therapist for me, not that I am, in fact, (and that others would agree) disgusting to work with.

Cramming ice cream into one's mouth would be disgusting to me too; like chewing with one's mouth open, and I can imagine someone else finding that hard to work with and would appreciate if they told me so, (a) I could confirm that I knew/was aware that I was chewing with my mouth open and how I felt about that (I feel that is disgusting) and (b) that the other person is on the same page as I am with disgusting and that they have told me about themselves, that they would have a hard time working with me if I continued that behavior. If I have had a hard time stopping that behavior and am looking for someone to help me with that specific behavior; I want someone who can deal with the behavior while WE are working with it if I can get that. But if that is not possible, I can still work with someone who finds my behavior disgusting if I do too, if it is the behavior I am trying to change. I can use that "mirror" of what others see to help me see when/if my behavior is changing.

But if the other person/T does not target my specific behaviors they find disgusting and imply they find my body size/shape/looks disgusting, I can't work with that, or that alone. If I am working on my weight, maybe I can work with it (look at Jillian when she was on the Biggest Loser and how she reviled people exercising their heart out?) but I have to decide if I want to or not.

But I don't think T's tell us about what they are working on with themselves or their personal characteristics (they think they themselves are fat and disgusting) during our therapy and that's fine. They are another person! They have whatever skills, quirks, personality traits, defenses, etc. they have and the problem is not to make or see them like I want them to be but to work with them, in the therapy room, in the course of our interactions together, to help myself deal with my own skills, quirks, personality traits, defenses, etc.