Hi, Raynie.

i'm sorry you're having such a hard time. i don't know if you're schizophrenic or not, but some of the stuff you say certainly sounds like it. if you want a diagnosis you should talk to a doctor. i know you don't trust them. i certainly don't. but for me at least a diagnosis was like a huge weight being taken off my shoulders. granted, it wasn't a great relief, but it at least let me know there was a name for what i was experiencing. anyway, if you want a diagnosis go get one.

as for the other stuff you mentioned, i can sympathize with quite a bit of it. the anger, the frustration, and especially not being sure what's real or not. even done some self harm myself hoping to feel something other than dead inside or scared all the time.

i see where you're coming from. i hope you find peace soon.