Letting defenses down and being vulnerable is something the person doing it wants to do for themselves, it doesn't have anything to do with the other person's wants. It is a way of being, like not letting your defenses down or not being vulnerable. You don't ask permission, it feels good/healthy to you. When bad guys are around, you defend; when good guys are around you lower your defenses and party :-)
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"Never give a sword to a man who can't dance." ~Confucius
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