Thanks for your advice. I am hesitant about the anti-psychotic medication because I simply don't know much about it. My GP got advice from a pdr that I had seen but I felt was incrediably unhelpful and misunderstood me entirely. She said that it may help stabilise my moods but couldn't really answer how or why except to say that it would be offered to treat my symptoms not because I have any diagnosis. It seems like a big thing to take on the off-chance it might do something.

I'm not sure what to do. Perhaps I am doing all that I can and should just accept the limitations of my life. It is hard work trying to maintain myself when my emotions are so destructive! Or is that an excuse and a way out of doing things I am fearful of?

It is hard to find a way forward. I feel exhausted from living such a half life and I'm pretty darn ashamed of who I am. I'm trying to work in therapy to find and start standing on my own feet but it is a difficult thing to do when I have lost all confidence in my abilities and it means that I am reliant on people more and more.

It is really horrid having to face myself every day. I feel in so many ways I am exactly the same person I was when I joined here 8 odd years ago - that is really embarrassing to admit too! I am aware of exasperating I can be not getting any better. It isn't for lack of trying though. If there was a medication that could make the world a 1000x times less scary or me a 1000x more confident, then I would take it in an instant!