lost, I understand how hard it is when Ts stop doing something they've been doing, and for a while after they draw the line it can feel like such a TOUGH stance to take, and so unloving, and so hard to tolerate.

But reading your message, I'm thinking, how amazing it will be once you are able to answer these questions for yourself and give yourself the reassurance that you need. T sometimes goes away, sometimes is too busy to check his email, occasionaly is frustrated or wobbles in confidence himself. But once you have *you*, that matters less. Wherever you go, there you are. But in a good way I'm wondering how can you start to care for yourself and develop a strong adult voice which is reassuring to you? What can you do to soothe yourself? I have always talked aloud to myself (hmm, I'm outing myself as crazy here!) and I've noticed over time how much that voice has changed. I used to hear myself say things like 'Pull yourself together! She won't love you if you are this bad'. Then for a long while it was neutral things like 'Keep going. You're doing well, just keep going'. And now, I feel so surprised when I hear myself saying 'Well done lovely girl, that's right, you're ok, it'll be ok'. I'm like wow, do I really think she's lovely? Apparently so. But that has come about through lots and lots of practice, and a firm commitment on my part to soothe and parent myself as much as I possibly can. You can do it, I know you can