So I thought about it and sent him an email. Hopefully he understands what's going on..

"I was thinking about our relationship a lot when I got home and I noticed one thing. I know for sure I have strong parental transference going on with you, BUT what I didn't notice is to who it was with. My transference is most definitely coming from the cop that took me in when I was 15 and raised me until I was 19. He was the only strong parental figure I had. Our relationship is pretty much a complete reflection of the relationship I had with him. John was the first person to ever show me that they cared about me and that they supported me and wanted me to succeed. Much like us, we used to email daily. In fact I still have access to the account, it probably would be really similar to our emails. I would look for assurance and support and he would always give it to me. Day after day he kept me from giving up. I looked to him for safety and protection, much like I do to you. I thought he would never give up on me because he promised he wouldn't, and he would be there for me forever. Then the emails became less frequent and finally he stopped seeing me altogether. To say I was devastated would be putting it mildly. I thought about giving up for weeks after that, because the only person who had been there the majority of my life had broke his promise and had gave up on me. That was probably the worst time of my life. I think I see a lot of the similarities between the relationship I had with him and the relationship I have with you and that is what scares me. I specifically didn't want a male therapist in the beginning because I knew this would eventually become a problem that I needed to work through. I knew inside that if I ever had developed a connection with the therapist that I would be reliving my relationship with John. I still till his day miss him more than anything. He saved me from myself when I was just a kid, but he broke me in the end. He made it impossible to fully trust another. I know it upsets you when I ask you all those questions, but this is where they are coming from. You have through your actions showed me the last 9 months that I should trust you. BUT he did that very same thing for 4 years, before he threw me to the side and forgot about me. I know our relationship is different, but it feels like my relationship with John did a lot. I know I need to remind my self that your not him and your not going to do that but there's a lot of fear involved there. Please be patient with me."