This last stint where I ended up being forced into a cop car and to the hospital has broke me. Yes I feel broken. I don't know if I will recover from this, home doesn't even feel normal anymore. My parenting has been shot down by professionals (thank God no interference from them) and that one thing, being a mom, was the only thing I had going for me. I am still going to fight to be a good mom but for now I just feel broken. I don't even want to be near my kids out of fear that I will eff them up.

To answer your questions yes I always knew I was running on a different frequency than my peers and family. I accepted it as just the black sheep but now I know its deeper than that and it blows chunks. Getting this dx was a hard one to swallow but not as bad as bpd...I hate that dx and that is the one I will forever have an internal struggle with.