But that is not what she is asking. She is asking for constant reassurances that her T cares, etc. when the evidence is actually right in front of her. Her T completely realizes that no matter how many times and in no matter how many ways he "says" he's still there and will continue to be there, Lost will continue to ask this question because of her insecurities, attachment problems, etc. Lost actually know this too. If her questions were specific to goals or skills or something along that line about therapy, I am quite certain he would have no problem answering the question, but he knows his client well enough to know that what he can do best for her right now is ask her to look at the evidence in front of her and answer that question for herself. The proof is right there in front of her nose and learning to see it and find the reassurance within herself is a hugely important skill for her.

I'm going to switch to talking to Lost now because I find it very uncomfortable to talk about people rather than to them. (Too much of that going on around here lately.)

Lost, somehow you have to reach that place where you can reassure yourself. Your T is not your old friend. This is a different person and a different kind of relationship and interaction.

My husband at times does to me what you do to your T. He constantly asks for reassurances that I love him, that I won't leave him, etc. No one he has ever loved before in his life ever followed through. The constant, repeated requests for reassurance are very wearing on a relationship and they don't do anything at all to ensure the safety of the relationship at all. I used to always answer him thinking that was helping him, but the questions never stopped. In fact, they just increased. Our T has been working with him on this because, like you, the evidence is right in front of his eyes but he refuses to trust it. Constantly asking for reassurances gives the message to the receiver that he/she is not trusted, that no matter what a person does it will never be enough, that the person is perceived to be the potential bad guy just like those other bad guys before. That is not the intent of the questions, but that IS the message that comes across. It is draining, exasperrating, and builds a real resentment over time for their loyalty and trustworthiness constantly being called into question.

I don't play the please reassure me game with my husband anymore. It just feeds into his insecurities rather than helping him. Instead, I remind him to look to the evidence. That doesn't mean I never say I love him or that I care for him, etc. On the contrary, I've always said those things and always will, but clearly the words have never been enough. But I now ask him to remember that the words don't begin to express what I actually feel or what I have shown through my consistent support and affection and patience and honesty, etc. He's doing better about being able to slow down and remember and acknowledge what is truly there rather than panicking in his fears about the past (because it has never really been about me and he knows that.)

Lost, your T is saying you need to slow down and look to the evidence. Remember he is not a figure from your past; he is here and now. Remember what he has and is doing to try to help you and your anxiety about this will eventually get better. But you have to learn to do this for yourself. He cannot possiby give you enough assurances verbally to satisfy you if you won't look to the evidence and take the risk to trust that he is being honest with you.