I understand how you feel. I have been feeling the same way. I feel like my life is gone now, I cant enjoy myself at all. I had a severe "episode" a few months ago that ruined my life. This was the first time ever, its so scary because unlike many people i have read about, who experienced something similar. I didnt realize i was acting strange and rude. whatever this "thing" is. It controlled the way i talked and made me act like a total maniac. Not myself at all. I cussed everyone out i knew, and accused them of doing bad things to me and wanting to kill me etc. This went on for weeks. I had so many delusional thoughts during this time period and it was 24/7, i didnt act like my normal self at all. I lost everything in the process, my job, spent all my money, now in severe debt, my kid, every friend that i had, nobody has any respect for me now, they think im a pshyco. I feel like im dying now, i cant eat, sleep. My entire life is ruined, and its scary. I dont understand why it happened. I see everyone else normal and happy, but i feel i will never be able to be normal again....and it really makes me sad, because i used to enjoy life..I'm like why did this have to happen to me...I was always good, never hurt anyone etc. and yeah i get the exact same feelings as you do.