Thanks for all your responses. There is a lot for me to think about.

I consistently fail to find the courage to be open with T about things and I am sure if I could be more open then I would benefit more.

And maybe my lack of openness is obvious to T and I guess if T doesn't know exactly what is going on, then it must turn into a guessing game for him.

So I think the answer to my question may become more obvious if I was more honest with T - that's the hard bit though isn't it?

Soup