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Old Jul 19, 2012, 04:16 PM
Anonymous32911
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I'm sincerely asking this question rather than ranting and whining because I feel like my mom doesn't want to help me. I asked her if it would be ok if I quit my job, lived with her, and went back to college full time. She yelled at me, and said, "No one quits their job!" She said I'm blind-siding her. I was just bringing up what I would like to do. I didn't say I was gonna do it. I was asking if this plan would be ok with her. Well, obviously not, I guess. My mom struggled to raise my brother and I. We were very poor. When I graduated high school, I paid for community college out of my own pocket. I only have about a year completed. I've tried and failed at earning a college education over the last 10 years. Mainly because basic survival took precedence. Over these past years, I don't think I've allowed myself to even think about pursuing any studies that would take longer than 1-2 years to complete, but I never even finished those plans. I think I'd want to obtain a bachelor's degree, possibly a master's, and just maybe one day, a doctorate. It's just that I don't believe I've ever had or will ever have the financial stability to give these goals a serious chance. My mom keeps saying she doesn't want me to keep working a dead end job, and that I should go back to school. Well, I would like to go back, but I've discovered that I find it very difficult to concentrate on school while I have a job. In my mind, my job becomes more important, and I end up slacking off in school work. I guess I'm feeling resentful because my mom inherited about $80,000 last year when my grandma died. She has some money now, and more to come when my grandma's house is sold. I'm on food stamps, sharing a studio apt. with a jerk boyfriend. I've never been materialistic, or taken my mom's support when I was a kid for granted. I told her how much I respect her for doing it all on her own. She says she doesn't want me to end up like her, but I think I just might at this rate. I know myself well enough that I think I would fail if I tried to go to college again while working. I can only concentrate on one thing at a time. While in school, I'd start to wonder who I'm kidding.....that how dare I think of getting a higher education when there are bills to pay. I'd feel like I have to hurry up, and choose a path that I won't like, but will complete faster. I'm wondering how many students rely on their parents or someone else for some financial support. How many do it totally on their own? I don't expect her to pay my rent. I'd just want to move back to her house. I cleaned up after her when I lived there. I was like the housekeeper. She relies on me instead of my brother when she has a problem. I have helped her a lot. Once the basement flooded during a huge storm. She called me at work, hysterical, and demanding I race home to help clean up the water before the landlord came over. She couldn't do it because her back went out. My co-workers thought I was nuts for leaving work for that. My brother got a break when she got him a job where she works. He gained so much knowledge and experience form that job that he was able to get a better job, and complete a bachelor's degree online, and then get an even better job! He makes $70,000/yr. He didn't even graduate high school. I did, and I make like $12,000/yr. I feel like my family expects me to be there for them, but if I ask for help, I'm a burden. They are my only 2 family members, and I have no friends anymore. I feel hopeless that I will ever have any sort of future. I will be stuck in dead end jobs, and a dead end miserable existence. I wish I could go to college full time, meet new and interesting people, and eventually have a full-filling line of work. This is just a dream though. My life just keeps getting worse.