Anger is a subject I find fascinating. I had a pretty hot temper most of my life - until a few years ago. I come from a family of hot tempered women, and they were all afraid of me. I wanted so much to control it. I do manage my anger now, and it's a miracle to me. I'm walking talking breathing evidence that it can be done. Certainly my son's seen the change in me, and I think it gives him hope for himself.

The mistake I made for many years was the control thing. Like I could clamp down on it and defeat it. For me a middle path approach is the best. Don't suppress. Don't act out. Just observe it and experience it. Get to know it.

When you realize you don't have to do anything in the moment of anger, it's literating. You don't need to scream, throw things, hurl insults, etc., etc., etc. You really don't need to do anything. And in the hottest anger you shouldn't act.

First, you have to be aware that you're angry. Then you have to stop whatever you do to act out your anger. The problem is being aware, because we lie to ourselves so often. We don't know how we're feeling until we're in full anger mode. You have to know before that. That's why mindfulness can be so useful, because it helps you to notice what's going on with you. Once you notice, you can make a choice.

One thing I'm still working on is expressing anger. Once you're calm, you need to speak. What I've learned, though, is that once you're calm and you see clearly, there's so much less to feel angry about. Nevertheless sometimes there's good reason to feel angry, and it has to be expressed appropriately.