I definitly need a place where I can be heard without judgement. Most of my family are out of state. My Mom and Sister are here and are both drug addicts. My Mom is in the worse stage, near death addiction.. my sister a recovering one. I always told myself I wouldn't end up like them and that I could be the strong one. I've tragically failed them and myself. I've failed my children. I'm just a failure with skills. A hustler. I always thought those people weren't the good kind ya know. I'm not so quick to pass those types of judgements now that I am one. The downward spiral of my life because of the choices I made. It's depressing but I have no one to blame although they certaintly don't help or even care to understand. I appreciate the kind words and understanding. Here I'd be told to toughen my pathetic *** up.. I'm seriously considering NA.. mainly for support. I just need things to be discreet. So far I've backed off my hot people, but since I've posted the original I set up many deals and was awarded for each. Total today I made 3 1/2 beans. Really I'm not to bad yet, I've stayed in the Loritab thing when others have graduated to Oxycotins and bigger boys. Here they say I hustle tylenol. But the law don't care about milligrams and colors... and thats enough to get out of this ****. I want to do this for my kids and I and everyone else can piss off.