We just had a really awesome therapy session. We went over the past few weeks' experiences and all agreed that ADD is playing a big part in his inability to get started. I have to admit that I have been very skeptical about ADD but now I'm convinced, especially since things have slid rapidly downhill since he ran out of Strattera. He said the nighttime heebie jeebies started right after he ran out of meds (and confessed that he ran out a week or two earlier than he previously admitted).

So now we're taking some baby steps, and since I just changed to a better insurance plan, he is going to go see our T more often. She also is looking into local ADD resources to see if we can find an ADD coach (or something like that) because doing things like filling out a college application are incredibly frustrating for him, as I got to witness the other night. She thinks that support social workers might exist for such things. We also are going to attend a CHADD (Children and Adults with ADD) support group meeting and perhaps visit a specialist to learn if there are any resources that will help us. My H and I are both really relieved about this realization.

However, that doesn't cover everything that has been going wrong. There is still the issue of how I'm coping with this, and I made a point of bringing that up. During the previous Depression episode, my emotions were on the back burner for 3 years while we focused on finding help for him, but I can't do that again -- I will grow resentful, crazy, or both. I really felt as though I was going to have a heart attack this past weekend, and for the first time in my life I was not exactly contemplating suicide, but just feeling desperate for some way to shut my brain off. That is scary that it's come to that for me. My T did not feel that I was coping poorly -- she thought that under the circumstances, I'm doing fairly well, because this an extremely stressful situation. I don't know if I felt better or worse when she said that -- a little of both, I think. Anyway, she and I will have some 1-on-1 sessions to help me work through some of this. She is really wonderful - she is so compassionate and understanding, yet always knows the right moment when to switch to business and work on practical solutions to the problems. I appreciate her so much.

So, we have some baby steps for now, and H will go back to therapy on Friday during the day to work on some ADD research. We'll both go back together on Tuesday to set up the next baby step. It was a really good session and I have a little more hope than I did a few days ago.

Thanks for sticking with me through all of this, both in this thread and in the PMs some of you have sent me. I am extremely grateful...