I know how you feel and i understand the urge perfectly The only advice i can offer you is to grab on to one aspect of your life, something or anything that makes you feel good or happy in some way, and bring it to mind when you feel this way. Any happy memories? Any people you know who hold a special place in your heart? When my thoughts get suicidal, i think of my niece (she's six) and what it would do to her if i did it. All we can do now is hope that things will get better. Stay strong please!