I just read the articles on love-shyness and avoidant personality disorder, and I realized that I meet the criteria for both.

Today was my 20th birthday, and I was miserable all day today. Unfortunately, I had a lot of time to myself, and whenever that happens, I start to think; mostly about how screwed up my life has been so far. Imagine, i'm 20 years old, but i haven't lived a single day of my life. It's a horrible thought process that I go through, but to be honest I'm afraid to reach out for help; I don't want people thinking even less of me than they already do.

I want to find a way out of this, because the way I see it, If this is all my life will be, then what's the point?