When I feel the need to hold something, I put one of the couch pillows on my lap. T has a large teddy bear in his office, and for months I was really tempted to ask if I could hold it. But I never got up the nerve - he's a father figure to me, and the idea of me sitting there like a little girl holding a teddy bear. I just couldn't. But maybe I should have - it might have brought out some emotions that need to be felt. Oh well, too late now. I'm over that.