I just wanted to update everything. I am moving out on Saturday, we actually had a pretty nice Christmas - though he still has had problems expressing his real feelings a lot. What he hadn't mentioned until a few days ago was that a female friend was staying here for just over a week - he had dated her a very short while about 4 years ago and she pretty much screwed him over, followed by her staying for 4 months platonically (she is from overseas). I have never liked what she has done to him and others - a string of guys, treating them poorly and he knows this and his being friends with her (on and off) has been a thorn in my side. She is coming in today, actually - I didn't know that in time to move sooner, so she's going to a hotel for a couple of nights.

Anyway, there are a lot of thoughts - at this point, if anything ever happened with them (and he says it won't), then she'll eventually just dump him again and maybe she'll be completely out of the picture. But I did tell him today (after he'd done something nice for me) that I couldn't have any type of relationship not based on honesty, and that he'd have to be honest and not keep things from me anymore if we were together. We are talking about a few month break for now to see what happens, so we'll see. I won't date anyone else for at least 3 months, probably longer because I do think that this is worth fighting for still. And I don't believe currently he has any plans to do anything with his friend, we had sex a few nights ago and the one thing I do know is that he'd not have done that if he was even planning any involvement. But if he does, maybe that would get her out of his system (if she was there, he says she is not). (sigh).

I have learned over the months - FINALLY - some of the things that have bothered him. Some of it was losing his independence, he didn't expect me to be here forever. He felt like there were things that he couldn't do, which we never discussed. He feels I am too clingy - and truthfully, I can be - but I think in everything, I always was what I thought he wanted. I have a lot of facets to my personality and whatever I thought he needed was how I was, if that makes any sense. It isn't not being me, but just a different me than perhaps he needed. And it irritates me that he never said anything when the problems were very small. Stuff like making dinner - he said that he didn't necessarily want to be cooked for every night (like I want to spend a lot of time cooking if he doesn't want that!!) There is a lot more, but I wish he'd gone to counseling and such, the "feelings" he has have been based on issues that I knew nothing of, for the most part. We could have pretty easily dealt with those.

Anyway, thanks for listening again.