Hi unhappy....Sorry you're hurting, and it's good that you're reaching out. Hope you find some comfort here on the site. A little confused....I guess the "him" you mention is God? And you think he's not helping you? God works through caring human beings who spend their lives helping people in distress, suffering from depression, etc. Bottom line....you need to contact one of these people. If you are in school, almost every high school and college has at least one counselor on staff, so that would be one way to start. If you're not in school you could call your county's Health and Human Services Department ~Mental Health division, explain that you're having serious problems with feeling "down", and thoughts of killing yourself (even if you're nowhere close to actually carrying this out, people need to know that). You could also call a suicide prevention helpline, and again even if you're not at that point, they would very likely be able to guide you towards getting some help. You don't need to be "forever unhappy"....there is a lot of help out there. Best Wishes