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Originally Posted by fishsandwich
I just got ahold of all my old medical records, including years of reports the pdoc sent to my GP. It's insane what he wrote. One day, he said I was "giggly" and "dressed in an uncharacteristically revealing manner which seems seasonally inappropriate" (the letter was dated July). This was a reason to put me on lithium apparently. Another refers to my "delusion" that I was accepted to Oxford at 16, but admits that my parents corroborated the claim and that I did get five A-levels at 16. I dunno, **** like that just made me want out forever.
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I read about this in your thread and it's awful what they wrote and how they used that to justify what they did. Psychiatry is so powerful, it's terrifying.
I'm not anti-psychiatry or anti-meds in general, and I haven't been treated that badly by healthcare professionals, so I don't plan to get out of the system yet. I've accepted that I have severe depression and I would like that to get better, and so I'm still willing to drug myself to try to free myself from this evil depression. It's the psychotic stuff that I struggle with. Part of me thinks that it's the nature of the beast; that I'm confused
because of the psychosis and that I should take the meds - maybe this wanting to be punished and this excessive guilt is part of it and could be medicated away?? Part of me doesn't want to believe that there's anything wrong with my reasoning and thinks I've made the whole thing up for attention or something (I haven't exactly worked out why though...) and so don't 'need' antipsychotics.
Quote:
Originally Posted by fishsandwich
Hrm, well, I think that picking something and going for it is better than uncertainty, but that's just how I work. If you want off drugs (or certain drugs), then you've got to sort out how you're going to do it. If anything, we crazy folk have to avoid the random actions, because they get interpreted as symptoms of the crazy.
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I totally agree fish. Maybe this randomness IS part of my crazy, IDK?
Quote:
Originally Posted by fishsandwich
Plan!!! Planning is amazing!! Plus: keep records.
/lawyer
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Normally I'm hugely in favour of plans and making decisions. I find life very stressful if I don't have things planned out. At the moment though I'm so indecisive I can't even pick an outfit to wear each day!! Never mind important decisions!
I stopped, not because I made a decision to stop, though I had been thinking about it, but because I forgot to take my antipsychotic for 2 days and now can't decide whether to start taking it again or not, so I've been putting the decision off by not taking it... Stupid, right!?
Quote:
Originally Posted by fishsandwich
The drug weight doesn't come off from diet. I don't know if that makes you feel better or not, but it was a big lie I was told for a long time and it made me feel like a lazy useless piece of **** for not being able to lose the drug weight whilst on drugs. Not to say that eating from Mr. Cadbury's on-offer offerings will not add to the problem.
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How do I make the weight go away then??????????????? (Not necessarily asking but rhetorical). It makes me so miserable and I feel so out of control. I'd hoped it would slowly drop off on it's own without the imipramine, but it's not happening. Do I need to exercise rather than diet then, or both (I really hate exercise though and am really lazy and unmotivated)??? I hate being so fat but it feels like nothing I try works. Ugh!
Quote:
Originally Posted by fishsandwich
I want to feel not sad and not angry myself. Happy would be a miracle. If I figure out a way, I'll let you know  |
Happy
would be a miracle at this point for me. I'd settle for 100% functioning. I can manage it for short periods of time but I crash again. I don't know how to make it stick
It would be nice if everyone could be reasonably happy most of the time and didn't have to suffer from this horrible mental distress, wouldn't it?! PC would be defunct then though!! lol
*Willow*