whoamI, I also used to S/H and have stopped for the last seven years..I too am incredibly ashamed of my scars..I wear a jacket to my work, I work for a law firm..I am afraid my boss will comment on it and fire me or something..I have had strong urges from time to time as well...as well as the flashbacks and even nightmares..I just keep myself focused on the fact that Ive come THIS far..SEVEN YEARS!! That is no small feat for a self injurer..every day is a struggle as you know..as we all know..I believe, unfortunately it will be a lifetime struggle for us all..but one that will ease as we learn to love ourselves more..and deal with our pain in the way that is best for us..self harm excluded. I work out now..I run till I can't run anymore..Get on my horse and ride..I even clean my house..LOL..whatever I have to do..to keep my mind occupied..and to keep myself busy..until the urges pass..and for now..this has been working. I haven't cut in seven years and God willing..I wont cut today either..If you ever need to talk..(((Hugs to you)))) Hang in there.. You have come so far..should you fall..you have friends to help pick you back up should you need it, but here's praying for another day!!!!