Ok basically ( I apologize in advance, I am 16 and do not know if that is not allowed to be shared or even be allowed on this site) but regardless, I am having troubles with the fact that i seem to only feel anger, sadness, and envy. People see me having "fun" but the thing is, is that I either don't remember it and then get depressed believing I had no fun to begin with when i actually might have. I also apologize if this is in the wrong forum but it was the closest i could find.

I also have a weird thing i think i might be bipolar or something but I am really just trying to identify what I have here Anyways heres the thing:

1. I go through in cycles of emptiness, anger and sadness.
2. I have a hard time describing this but I am going to try best as i can: I feel one thing but feel the opposite at the same time; in other words I will wish i could stop feeling sad but at the same time i ENJOY IT.
3. I have a terrible memory and am most of the time feeling guilty for having fun or being what i believe is "happy" but that isn't the main issue.

The main problem is I'm experiencing both ends of emotions at the same time so I don't even know which i truly feel. If it helps knowing any though I mainly go back to depression after every varying emotion in other words: Depression--> Anger--> depression--> lack of emotion--> depression-->?

please help and I am sorry I just really want to know what kind of problem this is or if its just me.