this is what i'm afraid of. and what you said too pbutton. that he'll secretly be laughing at how stupid i am for being so fond of him when he thinks i'm rubbish.

your insights are very helpful perna, thank you.

i know this is MY issue and that T probably doesn't really think these things. i think for me it goes back to school days when i was very isolated and sometimes the other kids would be nice to me for a day and then go back to ignoring me for months on end.

but i was very young and when they were nice to me i was so grateful and i trusted it so quickly and always got burned. so i think i developed this subconscious idea that even if someone is nice to you that doesn't mean they like you and they could be laughing at you behind your back.

at least that is the connection i've been thinking of a lot this week.

you don't know how much i appreciate all your thoughtful comments.