I have a delema. I am not sure of myself for starters. My H and I are attending T together. We had a huge disagreement that led to my husband intimidating me. Weather he ment to or not he did. So when we went to the T's office and she asked how was our week I spoke up and said something about that disagreement. (this is common behavior for him and why I am afraid of him sometimes) Things were tense in her office but I felt safe enough to go home with him. We talked about how to talk to each other to avoid having this happen. When we got home my H avoided me. Which was fine. Sometimes it takes a little bit to process these things I know. The following day was a little stressful still. Less desirable for hurts to linger this long but each of us are different. When my H finially broke his silence he was more angry of his assumption that every time we have a little disagreement I'm gonna blab at to the T. That is not my goal. We can't eliminate every difference of opinion but we can change power struggles where he flexes his power over me every time. We can stop intimidation. We can stop name calling. Arguments happen but distructive behaviors are different than arguments. So now my H is not to pleased about going back and is blaming it on me. How can I get him to understand that is what you are supposed to do. Bring up the issues. Am I wrong here. From time to time I am wrong. It does happen to the best of us. I'm not above reproach. But I just meed help understanding what to say to the T. (At the begining of this starting T thing he told me "You better not screw this up" in other words pretend like everything is o.k.) I'm trying to break that old way of doing things. It is difficult, and causes
hard feelings but I'm getting very tired of hiding the truth from people and leading folks to believe we are one big happy family. If you have any advice please help me.