I don't know if I have much advice to offer you, but I have sure been there! My ex and I went to couples counseling together, and the same kind of thing would happen between us. During the week, we would have a fight and my ex would call me names, tell me everything was my fault, and intimidate me to the point that I got scared. So, when we went to T, I would tell T what happened. During the session, my ex would pretend like she wanted to work on these things and tell T she would take the steps T recommended in order to change her behavior. But, as soon as we left T's office, my ex would either ignore me or yell at me, telling me I should not have "blabbed or tattled on her" to T. That it was MY fault for making her look bad & blabbing about "every little thing." Then, she refused to take the steps T asked her to in order to try and change. In my situation (which may be different from yours!), I had to come to the realization that my partner was not willing to do the work required in order to change her behavior. She put everything on me. She was only interested in seeing how T could fix ME-- not how T could fix HER. I finally got to the point where I realized that I didn't want to be in a relationship where I felt intimidated, scared, blamed for everything, and made to feel worthless. I didn't want to be in a relationship with someone who had power over me. So I left. (Now I'm in a MUCH better relationship!!!) But, for others who want to stay with their partners, I wish there was a way to make them "SEE" what they were doing and "GET IT." But how? That's something I haven't figured out. The best advice I can offer is to talk to T about this problem during your next session. Tell T the stuff that you wrote here, and ask T for advice. You SHOULD be telling T this stuff! You certainly can't fix the problem if you don't acknowledge it, talk about it, and work on it.